13th Inning Cock Tease

As a freelance sports producer, often times I'm out of work for an entire week. It's feast or famine. This week happens to be famine. When this happens my maternal instincts kick in. So I decided, let me make dinner for the breadwinner, my wife, Jessica. So I was writing a grocery list last night, compiling all of things I'd need to put together dinner the next day, and I found that the Giants were still on.

What a treat, Tuesday night, extra innings baseball, at no cost to me. And what's the first thing I see: The Commish, Bud "in spite of himself" Selig. I was pleased to see him there. I didn't think he'd show for the Bonds Home Run Death March. But there he was with that twisted grin, the Emperor Palpatine to Barry's Darth Vader.

I'm not really a big Selig fan, as you may have guessed, partly because I just hate authority figures, but mainly because he's handled the steroids issue so poorly. That being said, I appreciate him showing up to follow Barry, it was the right thing to do. Although, I secretly hope that he has to carry Barry's jock strap around for at least a week or two before #25 hits the big one.

How did I get so horribly sidetracked? I was talking about my grocery list. As I watched the game, I jotted down both my culinary needs and my thoughts on the 13 inning Giants loss. I'll do my best to transpose my notes/list.

- Bacon

- Whole leaf lettuce

- Barry Bonds should get the bat off his shoulder. 42 strikeouts next to his 100 walks isn't so shabby. But it does seem as though he used to hit that 3-2 count low inside strike. Now he just expects the umpire to give him the benefit of the doubt.

- Black Tea

- First we'll use Sanchez; then we'll use Chulk; then an attack; from the Incredible Hulk. This game will turn out bad, mark my words. If only a giant green monster would take the field and cause a stir, then Bud Selig would be forced to call the game a tie.

- Trader Joe's Garlic Fries

- Tomato

- I don't know what's more depressing; watching Willie Harris score easily all the way from 1st base, or watching Bonds chase down ("chase" is the wrong word, how about "hobble") that same bases clearing double.

- Cereal

- Who the hell is Tyler Yates? For that matter, who the hell is Fred Lewis? If the Giants really need someone to stand in the batters box and look at a game ending strike three, my calendar is pretty clear.

Hope you enjoyed my Turkey Club. If you need a Sports Producer or a Short Order Cook, call my agent.